Asylum Squad Side Story

Part 2: Strip -4 - Crazy can collector...

2012-02-17T12:44:00.000-08:00

Just finished -4 today - here she is!

-Saraƒin

Part 2 - Strip -5: Pretty and popular...

2012-02-14T19:44:00.000-08:00

Oopsie - forgot to upload this one! (Consider this strip 5 pages before the first strip I posted for part 2, which is the one where Liz is lying in the hospital bed... confused yet?)

Strip -4 is underway!

-Saraƒin

(Not yet approved!) Mad Pride 2012 teaser poster design...

2012-02-03T17:08:00.000-08:00

I designed this poster, using my winning logo for Mad Pride Toronto, at my Radical Design class, as a teaser for this year's Mad Pride week. It has yet to be officially approved by the Mad Pride committee, but if it is, it will be posted in parts of Toronto - Kensington Market, at least, will probably be displaying it.

I like the design, and I think I'm finally satisfied with the logo (I edited the lower text). I just need to wait for the final approval!

-Saraƒin

Shamanic update: Frankincense!

2012-01-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd make a little post about my "shamanic" healing. (I put shamanic in quotations, because my skills as a shaman are like comparing the application of a band aid on a wound to seeing a real doctor... I lack any real training, and am going by instinct, and some research online.)

As any of you who read my blog no doubt know, I feel that much of my healing is thanks to the intervention of at least one helpful spirit. I also believe that I am a bit more attuned to spiritual energies, good and bad, than your average human being, at least your average human being in my part of the world.

My technique, up until this point, had been to try driving the negativity away, using substances like white sage and dragon's blood, which I'd ignite and bathe in the smoke of. This worked to some degree, but I had been neglecting the fact that letting in the positive instead of just driving out the negative was probably an excellent idea as well.

It recently came to my attention that the heart chakra region might be the core location of this pesky entity, so I started smudging it rigorously with dragon's blood. This irritated it tremendously, and I could feel it thrashing through me... it would never fail to do so. But I also had a baggie of Frankincense kicking around, and last night I decided to try something different, and ask that positive energies be let into me as I burned the resin.

Tremendous results! The channeling connection between me and the entity now feels weaker than ever! I also paced my apartment with smoking Frankincense and asked that my space be made sacred, and filled with positive energies.

I'm going to do more research on this substance, and others, because I now think that just smudging with the aim of driving the spirit out is limited as a technique on its own.

Maybe someday I'll be a proper shaman. :-)

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 13 - The ward...

2012-01-22T16:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the delay! I just got this one done today.

-Saraƒin

My Mad Trench!

2012-01-14T15:54:00.000-08:00

This is an old white (now off-white!) trench coat I wore when I was homeless, manic, and roaming the streets of Toronto, chatting with voices... so, as you can imagine, it holds special meaning to me. Lots of people who had observed my behaviours in public would later say "...in that white trench coat", while speaking sadly about how "pathetic" I must have looked.

The waist belt and the straps that looped around the cuffs were removed from the coat and never returned to me during a hospital stay at the Clarke.

Well, the coat itself was just something I never felt I could part with, so I decided to hold onto it and turn it into an art project: the ultimate punk DIY Mad Pride trench coat!

So far I have silkscreened the webcomic's logo onto it, have added a plush wing (there will be 5 more, just like on the cartoon drawing I often insert of myself), and have pinned and sewed on some Mad Swag, and some trinkets I collected while I was in "psychosis".

I'm not sure how much stuff is going to go on here, but I'll add to it as I collect things/come up with ideas. I love working on stuff like this!

-Saraƒin

My final design for the Mad Pride Flag Design campaign... for now, anyway!

2012-01-14T14:09:00.000-08:00

So after much fooling around in Adobe Photoshop, this is the flag design I settled on my for entry for the Mad Pride Flag Design campaign (madprideflagdesigncampaign.wordpress.com).

The pink and purple stripes, as I may have mentioned on here before, are in reference to the Cheshire Cat from Disney's original 'Alice in Wonderland' cartoon. The Cheshire Cat is, I feel, a playful and likeable representation of madness. The design of the stripes, running horizontally, is based on those of other Pride community flags. (People seem to be attracted to this colour scheme, so I think it could be accepted. Other colour combos I've tried were either too jarring or too politically loaded for some folk.)

Please lend me your feedback!

(Sorry, no new comic page yet... I took some time off because of my withdrawal, which is now going well again... had to go onto 50 mgs of Seroquel XR for a while, to taper off more slowly. I will try to have the new page up soon!)

-Saraƒin

Spoke too soon!

2012-01-11T03:15:00.000-08:00

Ok, so my mind is fine, but I got hit with insomnia real bad as soon as I went 48 hours without a Seroquel XR tablet. I don't like making posts about bitch 'n moan pharma woes, cuz I generally like this blog to be positive, but I thought I'd post about this one, seeing as I had just posted about how easy it was to make the transition. It's now getting hard.

It's not the switch, it's the withdrawal. I don't like having to do this, but I'm hoping to get some Ativans from my shrink to get through this period of little to no sleep. I can fall asleep, but even two melatonin tabs can't keep me asleep for more than an hour or so. Think I need to call in the benzos now. PS: My futon sucks, and I won't have a new bed until the 15th!

Seroquel XR withdrawal is HELL! Not heroin withdrawal hell, not even Effexor XR withdrawal hell... just, fuck-with-your-schedule-cuz-you-can't-sleep hell... work sucked today cuz of this crap.

Beware the Seroquel XR withdrawal! It's full of ICK!

-Saraƒin

0_@

Part 2: Strip 12 - B3...

2012-01-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

I wish the orderly looked a bit more "straight" here... ah well, I like this page overall anyway.

-Saraƒin

The transition to Abilify: Smooth sailing!

2012-01-10T00:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I hate having to take a psych med at all, but so far, so good with the Abilify.

It is now covered in Ontario by ODSP, so I don't have to pay the $200.00 + it would cost me a month to pop this neurochemical ball 'n chain... I can now get it for free. And since the transition started, it doesn't seem to be giving me any nasty side effects! Hooray!

Seroquel XR wasn't terribly sedating as antipsychotics go, but I ballooned up, gaining 60+ pounds, and it didn't even have much to do with my diet. (Oh, I craved sweets more than usual, but I wasn't eating like someone who weighs 196 lbs, which I think was the heaviest I got.) I started taking a high dose of Omega 3 essential fatty acids several months ago, which did wonders to curb the cravings for sugar, but I only lost about 10 lbs even when my diet improved. And call me lazy, but I felt like Sisyphus and the boulder when I tried gymming it... so I gave that up, vowing to take up some form of physical exercise once the weight went back to normal ("normal" for me is between 130 and 140 lbs). (Now I think I'm going to go with yoga, at least for now. Maybe belly dancing later!)

Well, since I started weening off the Seroquel XR and onto the Abilify, I've lost an additional 15 lbs! Flights of stairs aren't so exhausting anymore, and my favorite clothes are fitting better. I don't yet know if I'll be able to drop the Nadolol as well, which I started taking again, as the tachycardia came back. (I found out later that I could get away with only a quarter of a tablet instead of half of one, though.)

The one withdrawal effect I felt coming off the Seroquel XR was some cold sweats, which were mildly unpleasant for a couple of days. But that's it. Pretty flawless... hope things stay that way!

(Oh, BTW: They just announced a call for art for Being Scene 2012, so I dropped off 3 pieces today at Workman Arts. I think the stuff I submitted this year is waaaay more interesting than my paintings for 2011, so maybe something will get in this time. I would really like to get into that show!)

Another comic will be up by late tomorrow night. I should really hit the hay, or I risk messing up my sleeping patterns... work tomorrow!

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 11 - Points system...

2012-01-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

I love to crosshatch!

-Saraƒin

Par 2: Strip 10 - The rules...

2012-01-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of amazed that I was able to pull off the 3 point perspective in panel 2...

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 9 - Welcome to St. Dymphna's...

2012-01-02T22:26:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to put waaaay more effort into my backgrounds and scenery, mmmmkaaaaay?

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 8 - The Roots of Mental Illness...

2011-12-30T10:41:00.000-08:00

Here's the title page for the new chapter - I know I said no more for 2011, but then I got started on this one and couldn't stop!

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 7 - The drop-off...

2011-12-29T13:11:00.000-08:00

Took me a while to get this one done and up, but here it is!

(This is likely going to be the last strip of 2011.)

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 6 - Floor plan...

2011-12-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

Floor plans are surprisingly tricky for me to draw... hmmm...

-Saraƒin

Awesome night!

2011-12-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

I had a really sweet evening. First, I attended a Mad Pride Toronto 2012 meeting, which was both informative and highly creative, and I found out at the end that I had won the logo contest! :D

Here is my entry, post vote-in. (There were some details I wanted to change.) If approved, this could be all over Mad Pride Toronto 2012 documents, sites, and merch:

I went with a simple design (black and white) that could easily be printed, without going fuzzy. I drew part of it on paper, drafted part in Photoshop, and when I was done, I vectorized everything in Illustrator. That way, it can be blown up, and will still look crisp. (I must admit, I barely know my way around even basic Illustrator tools... mainly, I use that software to vectorize images, and that's it. I am, however, quite proficient with Photoshop.)

Later that night, some Mad Students and I went to the 'Supermarket' in Kensington Market to see the 'Laughing Out Loud' comedy show. It was a fun night out, and one of the two hosts had even made a hybrid shirt out of one of my Asylum Squad tops & one of the Mad Students Society "Mad Identified" shirts, and wore it onstage. Tres cool!

We have lots of new ideas for what we want to do with Mad Pride Toronto 2012, and this year we even have a bit of money to throw around! I think we're going to have another Mad Market fundraiser sometime in the new year... am looking forward to that. There's even talk of potential for a documentary on the festivities. I will keep readers posted on Mad Pride information as it crystallizes. ;-)

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 5 - St. Dymphna's Psychiatric Hospital...

2011-12-19T11:18:00.000-08:00

Whew... so much drawing, yet I'm hungry for more!

-Saraƒin

Edit: Changed some awkward wording... I always catch the flaws post post!

Part 2: Strip 3 - Committed...

2011-12-18T18:58:00.000-08:00

Heh - when I designed Dr. Marsh (Liz's shrink) years back, I was thinking of Tony Soprano's shrink, Dr. Jennifer Melfi. Is there a similarity? I loved that series...

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 3 - The Rescue...

2011-12-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

Yay - I've been in a real drawing mode these past few days. Not much else to say except that I'm enjoying the new format immensely. It's too bad I need to make shrunken photocopies of all the pages to be able to scan 'em, though... kind of a pain.

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 2 - Found...

2011-12-16T17:48:00.000-08:00

I'm fairly satisfied with the art in this one. (You may have noticed, I have started making the text more stylish in this chapter.) Working on bigger paper allows me far more space to explore.

-Saraƒin

Part 2: Strip 1 - Intro...

2011-12-15T14:24:00.000-08:00

That was one short hiatus!

I did some reading on writing fiction while I was away, and got to a point where I felt I had a worthwhile story to tell. So here we go! Welcome to Part 2!

-Saraƒin

Silkscreening success! & The latest 'Ars Medica' journal...

2011-12-09T20:32:00.001-08:00

Hooray! I finally got the silkscreening process to work for me! Turns out that the problem was due to the crap squeegee that the Speedball (great name, eh?) silkscreening kit came with:


This piece of plastic is utter crap, and I can't imagine it ever producing a good print - don't use this! Instead...


For about $8.00, I bought this rubber-edged squeegee, and it worked like a charm. Shame on Speedball for not including one like this with the kit!

I will be selling Asylum Squad t-shirts now, if anyone wants to buy one. Going to try setting up a PayPal account or something. (I may do other types of merch later on as well - like hoodies, bags, or, if I can swing it, hospital gowns/scrubs.) Contact me at: splitminds(at)gmail(dot)com and tell me what colour shirt & ink you'd like used, and what your size is - again, this may take a little time at first, cuz I have to look into the PayPal thing. I think I'll be charging $15 + shipping per shirt. (Hoodies and gowns/scrubs would cost more.)

In other news, today I went to the 'Ars Medica' anthology book launch, and while I was there I picked up a copy of the latest bi-annual journal, which featured some of my comics:


This cover is by artist/Dr. Ian Williams, AKA Thom Ferrier, one of my online contacts, and host of "Graphic Medicine"

First two strips I submitted for publishing: The first one I drew while at CAMH, and the first one I drew after I left CAMH


Next two: One of my more autobiographic comics, followed by one of the last of the first compilation

It was quite the honour to be invited to contribute to "Ars Medica", which is a respected publication printed by the University of Toronto Press. I think this is the link to the page that allows you to order a subscription: http://www.utpjournals.com/Ars-Medica.html

Tomorrow (tomorrow being December 10th, 2011) is the Mad Market, happening at "The Raging Spoon" from 11:00 AM - 4:00 PM. If you're in Toronto and you get this message in time, why not stop by and support Mad Pride Toronto by purchasing some Mad goods? I'll be selling shirts, art prints, and more. Sorry about the late notice! I'll try and take some pics and write a blog entry about it later. :-)

-Saraƒin

Mad Pride Toronto 2012 logo...

2011-12-04T02:21:00.001-08:00

So here, I think, is my final design for the Toronto Mad Pride 2012 logo contest. I might tweak it a bit more, but maybe not. I have been taking this really cool (free!) course at York University called "Radical Design School" - it's been really helpful for this kind of thing.

First prize is $100.00, and their logo all over Mad Pride 2012 stuff. I should go to the next Mad Pride meeting and talk about the flag design campaign.

-Saraƒin

Mad Pride flag update: My strongest design yet (I think so!)...

2011-11-29T00:20:00.001-08:00

It's been a little while since my last flag update on the Mad Pride Flag Design campaign site at: http://madprideflagdesigncampaign.wordpress.com. Since then, I received a new entry entitled "Synaptic Kitty", which has been posted. It spawned an idea for another design that I made up tonight, which is pictured here.

This design is directly inspired by the Cheshire Cat from the original cartoon Disney film 'Alice in Wonderland'. The Cheshire Cat is one of the most beloved characters from this movie, and is already somewhat of a symbol of madness in our collective consciousness. Here is a character that is loony, but also appreciated and, dare I say, admired. I looked up the character online and realized that his purple and burgundy stripes would work very well as stripes on a Pride-themed flag. Then, I Photoshopped only part of his grinning face, which seems to fade in and out of existence in the film, and in this case I feel it is in keeping with the theme of "mad whimsy". Previous flag ideas I tried out ranged from being too anarchic looking to downright reminiscent of some sort of regime, but I don't think that this flag has that feel to it. It is playful, and I think it could be easily identifiable.

I'm not sure if this would bug Disney, but I don't think there's much that Mickey & co. could do if was adopted as the symbol of a movement. Please leave your feedback/suggestions here, or on the campaign blog. And keep sending in those designs/ideas!

-Saraƒin

"On the Edge of Innocence"...

2011-11-26T14:33:00.001-08:00

Oh, GOD this was painful to sit through, but I did it for the sake of this blog, you lucky people!

This is some Lifetime-brand made-for-tv movie that I discovered on YouTube and watched from start to finish two nights ago, wincing along all the way. It stars Kellie Martin as Zoey Tyler and James Marsden as Jake Walker, two teenagers with mental health issues, who meet in a mental hospital and fall in love. Recipe for a chick flick from hell if I ever heard one!

From the first line onward I cringed, cringed because not only was the acting atrocious and over the top, but because of lines like "You know manic depression can't be controlled without medication!", which was delivered by Zoey's mother, all sing-songy and condescending, as though reminding the masses watching this shit that they should keep on popping pills, no matter what. And so begins 90 minutes of painful melodrama. This flick really talks down to people who have been labelled crazy, and it shows from the first scene on.

Well, Zoey is "out of control" because of her "manic depression" (BTW, this movie was made in 1997 and manic depression was renamed bipolar disorder back in 1980, so why were they using the old label name? Did "manic depression" sound more dramatic?). She ends up hitchhiking to go visit her father, the guy driving her tries to grope her, she takes off, and one thing leads to another and she ends up climbing a Ferris wheel. So her mom finds out and sends her to a loonie bin. Elsewhere, we see Jake Walker get into some legal trouble. At first he's threatened with a sentence to a juvenile facility, but his dad is some legal hot shot and Jake ends up getting sent to a cushy (but not really!) psych hospital instead. Yeah, like that would ever happen that easily in reality!

Cue at least half of the cliches I listed two posts ago. (Actually, watching this stinker was my inspiration for that "psych ward movie cliches" post.) Zoey meets a colourful cast of loonies (the eating disorder chick, the gay kid, the kid who still has imaginary friends, to name some of the stereotypes) and then she meets Jake, later falling in love with him. The two get separated by the staff, because the staff feel that the romance will hinder their recovery, or some shit. There's a scene where Zoey gets put in a padded cell (I predicted it long before it happened). Later, she, Jake, and their loonie friends escape the hospital and go on a reckless road trip to get away, but not until after holding their psychiatrist hostage and stealing his Infiniti. (Where were the cops when this happened?) None of them seem to have any conscious feelings of remorse about their actions, even though it's clear that they're all sane enough to know better because their actions are pretty precise and well executed. It's total Hollywood bullshit designed to demonize mentally ill people who dislike taking medication, or who rebel against the powers that keep them on a leash. I have never seen a more one-sided way of looking at this issue in film, period.

Well, some random security guard gets shot but not fatally wounded. The kids get picked up by the cops and taken back to the loonie bin. None of them seem to be facing any kind of new legal trouble because of what happened while they were on the run from their keepers. The movie ends with Zoey and Jake together, smiling about it all, as they are escorted back to the hospital. Ugh.

This movie not only talks down to "crazy people", but to teenagers in general. Zoey was a poor representation of someone with bipolar disorder (sorry, movie - manic depression!), and seemed more like some wild child with hormonal issues, like a teenage girl trying to find her place in the world. Jake was like a watered down version of Jason Dean (Christian Slater's character from 'Heathers'), or perhaps a boring version of John Bender from 'The Breakfast Club'. I am sick and tired of movies that do not explore the negative consequences of young adults popping medications, or the fact that withdrawal from medication is at least twice as bad as not being on medication at all and being in the throes of mania. This movie is stupid chick flick melodrama that takes zero risks, and perpetuates several misconceptions about mental illness, and of "what's best" for the mentally ill.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but it makes 'Prozac Nation' look like an Oscar hopeful!

-Saraƒin

"I'm A Cyborg, But That's Ok"...

2011-11-25T17:38:00.001-08:00

This movie makes me want a minty green padded room - someday!

I remembered this flick after I wrote my previous blog entry (about psych ward flick cliches). This is a Korean film from the year 2006, and I first became aware of it, oddly enough, when I was in 1001 Queen in 2008. I was asked to cross the street and go to the video store to rent something that would "please the other patients". While there, I saw this on the shelf in the foreign film section. But I didn't rent it because I figured not everyone there would be happy about reading subtitles, and decided to stick to movies in English. (I ended up renting "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" - it was a good choice! Everyone likes that movie!) But this Korean flick stayed at the back of my mind, for it seemed like the kind of thing I would enjoy.

I happened upon it online this evening, and finally sat down to watch it. And I loved it! The plot involves a young woman named Young-goon who is sent to a mental hospital because of a "suicide attempt" at her factory job, which is actually more a case of her trying to charge herself electrically than trying to hurt herself. She does this because she believes that she is a cyborg, and that she requires electricity to live. Around this time she also stops eating, believing that food will interfere with her functioning.

In the hospital, she meets an unusual young man named Il-sun, who is considered an antisocial kleptomaniac with schizophrenia. But Il-sun likes to steal abstract things, like people's "personality traits", and he believes he must do so in order to keep from shrinking down into a dot and disappearing. Il-sun becomes fascinated by Young-goon and goes on to help her out, by both protecting her, and later, by creating a device called the "rice megatron" that will allow her to eat food and have it processed and converted to electrical energy.

This movie has style - serious style. From the creative paper bunny masks that Il-sun wears to the funky green padded rooms, it's one of those movies that you could take a still frame from and it would be instantly recognizable, even if mixed in with stills from dozens of other films. And I love the tone of this movie: it doesn't talk down to "crazy people" the way that other psych ward movies have, even well-meaning ones. Also, it's not entirely clear if the characters are actually crazy, or if their "delusions" are real, and simply ignored or unnoticed by the hospital staff. I suppose this is left up to the interpretation of the viewer, a device that does not always work (*cough* Sucker Punch! *cough*) but in this case it gives the film great replay value. The characters are both likeably quirky but also believeable. We don't pity them for their misfortunes, we feel their pain. They're human, perhaps even super human.

There are some intense and disturbing scenes, but there are many comedic and also charming scenes as well. We laugh with the patients, not at them. There was something almost Gilliam or Burtonesque about the feel of this flick. It was creatively whimsical, but not annoyingly so, like that forced fantasy scene in 'It's Kind of a Funny Story' where the ward mates all sing "Under Pressure" as though at a real rock concert. The fact that we're never really sure what reality is for Young-goon and Il-sun adds to the whimsy.

I really recommend this to anyone who has gone through psychosis, or for anyone in general who likes a well-made offbeat modern-day fairy tale film. I would consider this a Mad Pride flick, because it celebrates the quirks of madness rather than vilify them.

Next: A really bad psych ward flick - "On The Edge of Innocence"! You've been warned!

-Saraƒin

Obnoxious psych ward flick cliches...

2011-11-24T20:43:00.001-08:00

So, I was watching a particularly bad made-for-TV movie called "The Edge of Innocence" (review to come!), and I decided that I should compile a list of cliches commonly found in psych ward movies. Please check back to this post every now and again, for I will add more as they come to me, or as others mention them.

Common cliches:

-The protagonist is usually a female, or a sensitive/misunderstood male.
-There is usually a "Nurse Ratched" type, who is either a nasty character who clashes with the protagonist throughout the film, or who seems at first to be a nasty hard ass to the protagonist but later turns out to be a heart of gold type.
-There is a persistent, glorified, "doctor knows best" attitude, even if the doctor in question simply makes observations, writes prescriptions, and dispenses basic wisdom as "medical advice".
-Fictional psychiatric labeling/fictional psychobabble/outdated psychiatric lingo that has no basis in reality is commonplace, especially in the really badly researched psych ward flicks.
-There are often lines like "...but you need your medication because you have bipolar disorder!", -or- there is a generally one-sided pharmacological bias towards recovery. This seems universal.
-There is almost always a "psych hospital tour" scene for the protagonist, where he/she is shown around the ward. This is either conducted by a staff member, or by another patient who has been in the ward for quite some time.
-Common patient stereotypes include: the charming sociopath (who isn't really a sociopath), the charming sociopath (who really is), the somewhat meek but highly intelligent (and often really pretty, except she's the only one who doesn't know it) anorexic/bulimic, the bipolar character played by someone who overacts and who doesn't know how to portray a bipolar person, the child-like "cute 'n cuddly type" (often seen carrying a teddy bear/plush toy), the sexy bad girl with mood swings and a "problem with authority", someone who has notably or badly hurt him/herself with some form of self-injury, catatonic stock characters used in the background to fill up the ward.
-There is usually a scene involving a woman (usually a very attractive woman) in restraints -or- a scene with a woman in locked seclusion. (This is simply fan service for the fetishists!)
-There is always an art therapy/music therapy scene.
-There is a prevalent attitude that despite how horrible psych wards are, they're still, in the end, what's best for the patients involved.
-One of the lessons of these flicks that the protagonist eventually learns is to "smarten up" and to keep taking their medication.

-If a patient, or a group of patients, escapes the ward and embarks on some kind of crime spree, or if they set off to start a new life somewhere else, when they are caught by the authorities, there are little to no legal implications affecting them, no matter what happens on their spree. Apparently, in movie land, escaped mental patients are protected by some kind of special mental health act that means they'll just be locked up in the psych ward a bit longer. (This is not so in the real world.)
-There is often a plethora of patient pseudo-whimsy (where patients "act out" their symptoms, usually together in a day room, often playfully). Sometimes there is a patient party scene of some kind.

-There is often some sort of psych ward romance/hospital make out scene.
-There is at least one scene in which a random background character snaps and ends up in seclusion/sedated/restrained. You can expect that either the protagonist, or an antagonistic patient character, will also end up in the same situation.

-There is usually "patient clandestine activity" that the staff know little to nothing about, at least for the first half of the movie. This may include but is not limited to: hidden tunnels, tongueing pills and trading them later, and pot smoking/drinking.

-There is almost always a ping pong table tournament scene, and there is usually a character who is exceptionally good at playing the piano.

That's all I can think of for now - more will be added soon!

-Saraƒin

"Aphrodite" - second update...

2011-11-23T21:13:00.001-08:00

I went to another 'Dollarama' and was able to pick out 8 more bunches of the kind of flower I started this project off with. I really hope I don't have to switch to another kind - I bought what they had available, but obviously it wasn't enough to finish off the project. So, I have other 'Dollarama' locations to raid. Thank god I live in a big city where there are many!

This has been quite fun to work on. I hope I find another plastic torso like this sometime, as I'd love to use another one as a base for some other project.

-Saraƒin

Some clip art for the book...

2011-11-22T22:35:00.001-08:00

Here is a selection of clip art I drew up today while at work. It's going to accompany the articles from my blog that I intend to include in the back of the forthcoming book, as bonus material.

If you're curious, it's inverted because I want a kind of glowy, chalkboard look to the articles.

-Saraƒin

#159: Hiatus notice...

2011-11-21T23:16:00.001-08:00

Drew this up today at work, figuring I needed some kind of notice up on my comic's website to indicate that I'm taking time off to develop the next phase of the story.

-Saraƒin

Latest pic of "Aphrodite" sculpture...

2011-11-20T20:32:00.001-08:00

Arrrgh - so I went to 'Dollarama' to get more fake flowers for this project, and they only had one more bunch of the type I needed. (They haven't been restocking because Christmas is fast approaching, and so they mostly have winter decorations on sale right now.) So now I have to either hunt down the right flowers at other 'Dollarama' locations, or wait until the spring and hope to christ that they restock the kind that I need. If all else fails, I'll peel off the lighter pink flower petals I've used and find enough replacement petals of another type to complete the project.

She's starting to look like a feathered woman. This is not a bad thing, I think it looks pretty cool. The petals are going to be aligned with the curves of the body, giving their placement some variety.

(Right now she looks like she's got some crazy chest hair pattern growing on her! Gah, I hope I can finish this off without having to switch flower style!)

-Saraƒin

Naughty content warning! (Not like you won't immediately see the pics anyway!)

2011-11-20T00:22:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine found two of these plastic mannequin torsos in the trash a little while ago. He was going to use one and give me the other, but then he thought I had lost interest in using one and he used both for his own art projects. Later, I revealed that I had still wanted the use of one, but it was too late. (I'm glad that both went to good use, though.)

Lo and behold, a week and a half after he told me he had used both, I found another one, this one even better because it was skin toned! (The two he had found were white and silver.) The only thing wrong with mine was a big crack in the plastic by the neck, so I cut a scooped neckline to even it out.

At first I was going to make a fertility piece with a fetus growing in the belly, but I ended up starting something of a much more erotic nature. (As the title says, this is pretty graphic as sculptures go, but I doubt anyone younger than the PG-13 crowd reads this blog anyway.)

<- (Hahaha - what's really funny about this next pic is the suggestiveness of the glue bottle spout!)

The nipples and vulva were made out of salmon-coloured Sculpey. I'm sure you can imagine how strange it felt for me to pop these items into my oven to bake. (I felt like the bastard child of Martha Stewart and Ed Gein, if you're curious.)

Next are some close-up shots. Are you offended yet? XD

The last pic on the right is a shot of the process I've started for the rest of the sculpture. I'm using fake flowers from Dollarama to do a kind of floral covering. For the pubic region I used dark pink petals, and for the rest of the body I'm going to get some lighter pink fake flowers and continue the process along the contours of the figure. It'll probably end up looking like a very erotic pinata!

(Right now I've named this piece "Aphrodite", but I may change the name if I can come up with something I like better.)

I'd love to submit this to 'Being Scene' 2012, but it might be too sexual for that show.

-Saraƒin

Mad Pride Flag Design: The campaign...

2011-11-15T11:20:00.001-08:00

I just created a campaign page to be used to come up with a design for the Mad Pride flag. Here is the link:

http://madprideflagdesigncampaign.wordpress.com/

Please feel free to help with the project!

-Saraƒin

The Mad Pride flag design continues...

2011-11-14T21:57:00.001-08:00

Here's another idea for a flag design. I balanced the yellows out by adding black, white, and grayscales, to denote the highs, lows and in-betweens of human emotion.

I was told that the Psi I used looks too much like a trident/pitchfork, which has negative connotations, but I still thought the use of the symbol itself was a good idea, so I added wings to the sides of it, so now it represents "psychic freedom". I have a lot of drawings in my sketchbook of other flag design ideas, so expect some more if I get bored enough!

I might actually create a new blog and make it a Mad Pride flag design campaign, where designs can be posted and people can vote on their favorite design. This would of course be open to anyone who wants to take a crack at it.

-Saraƒin

My (potential!) Mad Pride flag design!

2011-11-13T21:10:00.001-08:00

So I was fartin' around in Photoshop tonight, thinking about how Mad Pride should have its own flag (like how other Pride communities do), and I decided to come up with a design. I have no idea if what I'm posting here could or would ever catch on, but for now I'm going with this design, and I wanted to type up an entry on this blog to explain the symbolism behind it.

I chose to use the yellow spectrum monochromatic colour scheme for the stripes, because traditionally yellow is associated with lunacy. (One example of this is in the short story, "The Yellow Wallpaper", by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.) The numbers and shades of yellow represent the diversity of madness, and are left up to interpretation.

The "Psi" (the symbol of psychology/psychiatry/parapsychology) is seen on a slant, representing alternative ways of perceiving the world, and alternative views regarding mental health issues. The dark red was the colour of the Psi I happened to pull from the web, but I used it anyway because I thought it looked better than the other colours I had tried out. Again, it's not specifically symbolic of anything... it's up for interpretation.

I welcome any feedback, encouraging or critical, of this design - please, leave your comments!

-Saraƒin

UPDATE:

Here is an alternate design, since some people are finding the angled Psi rather harsh looking:

An upright Psi loses the "hammer 'n sickle" feel of the slanted one, and looks less like a devil's pitchfork. Everything else about the design remains the same.

Do you prefer this design? What would you add/change? I may have some other designs up later.

-Saraƒin

Give prisoners a chance!

2011-11-10T23:15:00.001-08:00

This is an idea for an article that I had been mulling over in my mind for some time. If you get as knee-deep in the psychiatric system with as severe a mental state as I had, chances are you're going to end up dealing with the legal system in some way or another. Most of us who have had to deal with police officers in times of crisis will probably just end up getting delivered to a hospital emergency room. However, if things move beyond a certain point, some of us will find ourselves on the wrong side of the law.

My brief "stint" as a prisoner didn't last long (I was briefly in custody for a psychiatric assessment before my long term hospitalization), but it was a tremendously eye opening experience. Before being arrested, I carried the same assumptions about people in jail that most of us do: that they're losers, the lowest members of humanity, selfish, and undeserving of respect or even forgiveness. Then, thanks to my poor health, arrest happened to me. I never wanted to cause problems for anyone and wasn't even fully aware of what I was doing, but I ended up crossing the legal line anyway, and got into mild trouble as a result.

I chose the graphic I used for this article because of the symbolism of the chains, but especially because of the butterfly. The butterfly is a symbol of transformation, and I feel that my greatest transformation came from my encounter with the legal system. "Ok... this has gotten too out of hand, and now the law is involved. No more making excuses for myself... it's crunch time." That was what went through my mind as I was put into the back of a police wagon. Once in the legal system, I did absolutely everything that was expected of me. I proved to be a person of sound character, both committed to self-improvement and to recovery. In the end, my reward was a clean slate. And yet, an even greater reward came about from all of this. I was also able to (very easily, for some reason!) shed old habits of mine, habits like blaming people/circumstances for not getting things done or for doing things that were lazy/detrimental, letting my ego get in the way of realizing personal truths, and expecting that things would be provided for me from other people, instead of achieving things for myself. Surely I'm not the only "ex-prisoner" to have gone through such a transformation?

I met a lot of really, really good people who had also found themselves navigating the legal system because of sickness. These were not the stereotypes of "insane" criminals that we see portrayed in the media - these were normal human beings, some extremely unwell but still with likable qualities, despite the fact that they had fucked up. "Friends" dumped me because (I guess?) they didn't understand how helpless I was to my condition, but the "losers" I was locked up with in the hospital supported me, and became that non-judgmental ear I needed to have listen when I was having a particularly rough day. We helped each other out, and we helped each other feel human in a dehumanizing situation.

The ward was kind of like "Buddhism boot camp" = forced asceticism. I had no money because my benefits were clawed back, and no home to go to on the outside because the system had taken away my old apartment (not that I missed it!). While in the hospital, I read a lot of Eckhart Tolle, a lot of books with an eastern philosophical bent, and learned the art of mindfulness. I conquered boredom through trial and error, and found contentment with simple pleasures, like watching the squirrels and savoring the hospital food that didn't totally suck. I realized above all else how important family and health are, and as I always say on this blog, I grew very close to my family. When I was discharged, I was a changed person, and had the tools and optimism to pick up the pieces and take on the world again. The hospital didn't give me these tools, I had forged them myself.

Now, whenever I see videos of convicts on death row who claim to be reformed, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I believe that even a person who has killed can be reformed. All people who are able-bodied are capable of killing, and I think it's unrealistic to think otherwise. And with gun laws as loose as they are in the States, I'm sure a substantial number of the murders that happen there each year are committed by people who probably wouldn't have followed through with their plans if it wasn't so damn easy to kill with a gun. Good people can fuck up too, and still be good people. I personally don't believe in the concept of good and evil, but of course America is a Christian nation, and so the legal system is heavily influenced by Christian doctrine. A person should be assessed not by what they have done, but by what they are doing. (I am not saying crimes should go unpunished, but what I am saying is that when an incarcerated person commits him/herself to change, they should be allowed to prove to the world that they have transformed, and should be able to give back in a productive way.)

I have an idea in mind for a cartoon that I intend on creating: a bald prisoner in orange coveralls, facing an identical-looking man with a shaved head in orange Buddhist monk robes. The two men are separated by a barred prison door. At first glance, it's a cartoon representation of opposites. But in another way, the convict is the monk, because the prison experience has humbled him.

-Saraƒin

Speakeasy Comic Book Show recap...

2011-11-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

Wow - I wasn't expecting so many friends and family to come to the Speakeasy show... thanks, everyone!

A few of my comic comrades ("DJ" Dalton Sharp [http://daltonsharp.com/default.aspx], William Brian MacLean [http://wbmaclean.com/], and Ruth "Rutz" Tait [http://www.artbyrt.com/]) were also featured this year. It was a small show, but all the work was very impressive.

I've included these pics from the show - hope you enjoy looking at them!

-Saraƒin

"Peep Hole"...

2011-11-01T23:20:00.000-07:00

I did this painting tonight with some acrylics on a wooden plaque I had purchased from the Salvation Army for 50 ¢. There was a cardboard image of some kittens on it that was faded when I bought it, and as much as I love kittens, I decided to peel off the image because I was more interested in using the plaque for a painting than displaying those cats. Sorry, kitties! 3:

I wanted to paint something with a "fish eye lens" effect, but was stuck on what exactly I wanted to paint. So today I was fooling around with my computer camera and took an intense looking shot of myself with the fish eye option on, and decided to do a self-portrait. Then I came up with the idea of it being a peep hole into a room, and immediately thought about throwing in a padded room as the background, as though I was in some sort of snazzy seclusion room, and someone was spying in on me. I used the intense image of me and a padded cell image from the web, and doctored them in Photoshop with some distortion filters until I got a workable image to use for the painting. Then I took a piece of tracing paper, pressed it against my computer screen, and did a basic outline of the shapes, so that I could transfer them onto the gesso'ed plaque with a carbon copy. (One thing I've learned from my recent college painting class experiences is that using carbon copies for image transfers is not cheating!) After I was satisfied with the painting, I coated the final image with diamond wood finish.

This pic doesn't do the painting much justice, as the colours are more interesting in real life. I'm going to include the final in my art show this Thursday. (I think this one will be one of the ones I'm going to put up for sale, but I haven't decided on a price just yet.)

-Saraƒin

I'm a Scissor Sister (and so are you!)...

2011-10-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

The Scissor Sisters are a disco/alternative/glam rock band from NYC, and are one of my favorite music groups these days. Their sound is less "original" than it seems to be an ode to various artists of genres of music that have existed since the 70s. Some songs sound like old school Bowie ('Lovers in the Backseat'), others are more like Blondie ('Kiss You Off'), and still others sound more like 80s electro groups, like the Pet Shop Boys ('Invisible Light'), to name some influences. Despite their "unoriginality", they have been consistently good with every release, they have wonderfully witty lyrics, and they always sound fresh to me, no matter how many times I overplay their albums. They also happen to have one of the cleverest logos I've ever seen, which is the image to the left of this paragraph.

I love their logo so much, in fact, that I decided to make it my Hallowe'en costume for this year (2011). My idea was to give the basic idea of the shape, without stressing too much (I didn't feel like putting as much time into my costume this year as I did last year with Nataraja).

Here are some pics of the process of making the costume, plus a photo of me wearing the final product (I haven't yet had a really good full length picture taken of me wearing this rig, but once it's captured, I'll upload it in another post.):

More to come - Happy Hallowe'en!

-Saraƒin

'Sucker Punch' vs. 'Asylum Squad' versions 1.0 & 2.0 ...

2011-10-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

It's worth mentioning (and I meant to write about this a while ago) that the release of the 2011 Zack Snyder movie, 'Sucker Punch' (which I thought was terrible, BTW), might have very well been the final nail in the coffin for any chance I may reuse the elements of the original version(s) of my comic, 'Asylum Squad'.

'Sucker Punch' is basically about a teenage girl named Baby Doll who is sent to an insane asylum after being framed for the death of her sister. (For some reason, she envisions the asylum environment as a kind of brothel.) While there, in this brothel fantasy world, she bands together with a group of other young women who sort of "imagine" their way out with the use of cut scenes of the girls battling samurai, robotic Nazis, aliens... that kind of thing. But they're not actually fighting anything, it's kind of "all in Baby Doll's head". The action/art direction/soundtrack was top notch, but the plot and script were so bad that I just didn't care how beautiful it looked. I get the feeling it all would have made for a much better video game than a movie. As a flick I came away feeling like I had just witnessed something slapped together that was designed to be a masturbatory fantasy for adolescent boys, and that it was only rated PG-13 because it avoided certain elements that would have pushed it up to an R rating. Even with all the action and the sexy gals, it was a pretty boring flick overall.

Without giving away too much of the story that I was first going to go with (in case I end up finding a workable way to incorporate parts of it somehow, down the road), I was shocked at how similar this movie was, in many ways, to my original comics. The early 'Asylum Squad' plot had to do with a quartet of hospitalized teens residing in a dystopian mental institution, who doubled as a group of rebel fighters planning to overtake the asylum. (Liz is the protagonist, and the story starts as she is sent to the asylum, so she's the comic's "Baby Doll".) The team was lead by a group of doctors and nurses who called themselves the "St SSRI Resistance" (St. SSRI was the name of the institution). The staff and group of patients would work undercover to plot the overthrow of the sadistic leader of the asylum, Headmistress Pakzil. The team of patients popped special pills that imbued them with "psychiatric powers", and trained themselves by fighting strange criminals in their hometown, "Psychotropolis".

It was an ambitious mess, full of many creative concepts that were tons of fun to write about and draw, but I ultimately abandoned it because after going through the deeper levels of illness I later experienced, I felt that much of it would have been quite insulting to people who have been legitimately oppressed in psychiatric hospitals, and that the characters themselves lacked enough depth to accurately represent the illnesses they had been diagnosed with. Still, a lot of people liked the general idea, and I get the sense that fans of the old series have felt that my newest version (which so far is only similar to the old comics in name, and in the fact that the four characters from versions 1.0 and 2.0 have been brought back, but with revamped personae) is "too serious". So if I bring back the old scenario somehow (perhaps as a comic within a comic, as I may have mentioned before in an older blog post), I'm going to use 'Sucker Punch' as a model for what NOT to do with these elements (no overt sexism disguised as feminism, no pseudo-psychology, no action for the sake of action, no style over substance, to name some examples).

Perhaps I should be thanking Zack Snyder, instead of cursing him, for showing me how horribly things could have gone wrong if I had followed through with my older ideas!

-Saraƒin

SpeakEasy Annual Comic Book Show @ The Gladstone Hotel...

2011-10-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

Why not stop by the SpeakEasy Annual Comic Book Show, on Thursday, November 3rd, 2011? I'm going to be displaying a collection of my comic strips (and maybe some other art) for all to see!

Here are the event details:

SpeakEasy’s Annual Comic Book Show

Toronto is home to some of the best known comics artists in North America. We have an active and vibrant community putting out some of the highest quality comics to be found anywhere. The SpeakEasy Comics Show features an eclectic mix of Toronto’s talented comic book artists - from those who do newspaper strips and political cartoons, to underground comix and mainstream superhero comic books! The event promises to display an exciting cross-section of the comics community here in Toronto, as well as a glimpse into how good comics are made. As the old cliché goes, there really will be something for everyone.

Time & Space:

Thursday November 3rd, 7-11pm

The Gladstone Hotel, 1214 Queen West

Second Floor Lobby

Cover:

Pay What You Can ($4.00 Donation Suggested)

For more information contact:

David Brown

email: david@blttogo.com telephone: 416.533.1374

http://www.SpeakEasyTO.com

Hope to see some of you there! :-)

-Saraƒin

#158...

2011-10-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

That's all for now, folks! (Now, I'm off to take a writing course before Part Deux!)

-Saraƒin

#157...

2011-09-25T18:04:00.000-07:00

Here's a little one-off comic I did about alternative medicines I use to maintain my mental and spiritual health. Without them, I don't believe I would be feeling as well as I feel these days.

-Saraƒin

Bitch Media article...

2011-09-23T17:14:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I was interviewed with some of my fellow Mad Students Society members for Bitch Magazine (a feminist mag that produces articles responding to pop culture). Here is a link to the article, which went live this morning:

http://bitchmagazine.org/post/were-all-mad-here-you-get-proud-by-practising

A new comic will be uploaded soonish!

-Saraƒin

New artwork...

2011-09-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

I have these bitchin' wax pastels one of my sisters gave me for my last birthday. They are seriously my favorite (non-digital) art supplies at the moment. Though made of wax, the wax is water soluble, so it can be manipulated with a wet brush, just like water based paint. It makes it incredibly easy to create quality pieces that look just like paintings, in a much shorter time span. It's kind of like using gouache, but not all powdery like gouache can be. (The brand I'm using is Caran d'Ache, from Switzerland.) I have no idea how much they cost (I have the set of 15), but they are absolutely indispensable to serious artists, or even art hobby enthusiasts. My technique is to basically lay down the flat colours with an even scribble, go over the colour with a wet brush to even it out, and then go back in with the pastels, like crayons, and build up the colours, switching between the pastels and the wet brush for effect. What's awesome is how easy it is to get an even field of colour (much easier than with regular watercolours), and how easy it is to go back and attack a troublesome area.

This is a portrait of St. Dymphna, the patron saint of the mentally/spiritually ill. I lifted this from a popular portrait of her out there on the web, and modified parts of it. The lily flowers have been replaced with Tabernanthe Iboga, and I replaced the four leaf clover on the "Bible" with the psychology symbol, to suggest that she's actually holding a DSM of some sort. This is probably going to be used for the cover of the next Asylum Squad "book", but it will be part of a digital collage. I'm not sure yet how it will be added to/modified. (I like the intensity in her eyes.)

Anyway, if you want to buy your own water soluble wax pastels, here's an image of the set I'm using:

Seriously - buy these things! They will be your best friends, and they'll last a long time too! (I've barely made a dent in mine, and I've already used them for at least half a dozen pieces.)

-Saraƒin

#156 - not a "goodbye", but a "see you later"!

2011-09-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

Finished this one within the same time frame as the last. (Ugh - I'm dreading the editing process when I go to prep for the published book!)

-Saraƒin

#155...

2011-09-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

Here's the last of the character strips. Just a few more one-offs and then the first "book" will be finished! (It's going to be a while until any copies are available for purchase, though.)

-Saraƒin

2011-09-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from Edmonton, Alberta!

Not too much to say, except that it was an enjoyable and enlightening experience. I spent two nights in a room at The Matrix Hotel, which was pretty nice, even though it was a short lived stay. I attended bits and pieces of the consultation, ducking out here and there to get food, take strolls, and have the occasional nap (I nap a LOT). My speech was on the 15th, in between the presentations of two other patient representatives (of other projects, unrelated to CAMH or mental health). I was quite nervous at first, but quickly relaxed and was able to get over my jumbled nerves. Sean, the psychologist from CAMH who accompanied me to the consultation, had suggested that I display an example of my comic on the overhead beside the speaker's podium, so I chose this one, as I felt it best described some of the serious issues concerning the conditions within the CAMH schizophrenia wards.

After my presentation, I was approached by several people who were moved/impressed with it, and all my fears that I had flubbed the speech melted away. It was refreshing to be in a room full of medical people who not only really seem to care about the well-being of patients, no matter what area of medicine, but who are also taking action, while many (most?) are probably apathetic. (That's been my experience, anyway.)

The newest comic is about half finished - I'll try and have it up within 24 hours.

-Saraƒin

New comic is going to be late: I'm off to Edmonton for a day and a half!

2011-09-12T00:36:00.000-07:00

Don't think I've mentioned this before, but for the last 5 or so months, I've been involved in a project designed to improve the services within the CAMH schizophrenia program. It is called the 'Speakers Series'. I was approached by a fellow Mad Pridester who recommended me to the program, which involves the participation of psychologists, workers, and peer advocates, as well as ex-inpatients of CAMH (who are the actual "speakers") who have gone on to recover and lead productive lives outside the inpatient program. The CAMH schizophrenia program is self-aware of how terrible it is, so this project was designed to correct the imperfections by asking ex-patients to share their stories of recovery, along with their recommendations for the hospital system.

Having done about three on-ward talks with the nursing staff, I think it was appreciated that I was both ballsy and direct about my issues with CAMH, but also considerate of the stresses that nurses must endure simply by working in that kind of environment, and so I was selected to represent the Speakers Series program in a consultation being held for a couple of days in Edmonton, Alberta. It's a pretty sweet deal - I'm going to be flown out and given a room at an incredibly swanky hotel, which will double as the location of the medical consultation. My job will be to discuss my experiences with the Series, and attend as many meetings as I can. I've been told I don't really have to prepare for it, that all I need to do is recount my experiences with the project.

It will be very nice to get out of Ontario for a little trip, even though it'll only be for two days. I fly out on Tuesday, and will be back by Thursday evening. So the new comic won't be up until at least Thursday night (if I get any time in to work on it while on my flight, at the hotel, etc).

-Saraƒin

Oh YEAH! Almost forgot! (My Grawlix submission...)

2011-09-06T01:45:00.001-07:00

Here's my one page entry for the Grawlix "Relationships" issue, slated to come out in time for Canzine 2011.

FYI: I kept this one short, cuz I have zero experience with intimate relationships. (I do, however, have enough experience with intimate flings to know that fucking is not for me.)

-Saraƒin

#154...

2011-09-02T23:44:00.001-07:00

Might be popping by my printer pals' place sometime very soon to discuss publishing some books - need advice on putting it together, and also a price quote.

-Saraƒin

"Let's Go Crazy: An interview with Saraƒin"

2011-09-01T17:11:00.001-07:00

Check out this interview I did with Dalton Sharp for 'The Sequential':

http://sequential.spiltink.org/?p=9366#more-9366

-Saraƒin

#153...

2011-08-29T22:51:00.001-07:00

Just started Cinematic Storytelling class today - looks like it's going to be lots of fun. Comic Jam tomorrow too!

-Saraƒin

#152...

2011-08-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

This is the last we'll be seeing of Liz for a while!

-Saraƒin

#151...

2011-08-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

Just finished this one - took a lot of whiteout, some panels did!

-Saraƒin

#150!

2011-08-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

This is the next major milestone for the series (and the last one for this first collection of strips).

-Saraƒin

Anti-ECT press conference recording...

2011-08-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

We need more organizations like this:

http://rabble.ca/podcasts/shows/john-bonnar-audio-blog/2011/08/healthcare-professionals-against-electroshock-form-lau

As I've mentioned on this blog in the past, I have never had ECT, but I've had seizures (from a Wellbutrin overdose), and based on that experience, I fail to see the "therapy" involved in an induced seizure, something that modern medicine otherwise tries to avoid. A huge chunk of my memory was erased, and I had bald patches all over my head from having ripped my hair out. I realize that contemporary ECT involves muscle relaxants, anaesthesia, and other precautions, but that still doesn't take away from the fact that you're forcing a fucking current of electricity through an individual's brain to induce a grand mal seizure, 3 times a week, for 4 weeks. What's also curious is the allowance of multiple doses of general anaesthesia (a single dose for each ECT treatment), when dentists rarely use general anaesthetics (unless it's for a wisdom tooth extraction, or the patient has special permission due to a dental phobia) - dentists don't like to use generals because they can kill people! What killed Michael Jackson? A general anaesthetic! Why is it that psychiatry can freely throw these drugs around but other (better!) areas of medical science can't? When I was in hospital, I brought these points up several times with different pro-ECT staffers, and their response was always a change of subject matter, presumably because they didn't know what else to say. I call bullshit!

Also - I've met more people, in my hospital days, who were harmed by ECT, than those who were helped. People either grew more psychotic, lost huge chunks of their memory, or were otherwise spacey. This shit angers me, and what makes me angrier still is that in certain circumstances, even in Canada, it can be used with force.

God, I hope they abolish it!

(In other news, I'm taking a year off from school, to save up money from work, put together my first graphic novel, and decide on my next move. I'll be doing a week-long cinematic storytelling class at the end of the summer, and then I'll be saving my coins. T'is the life of the humble worker bee, dontcha know. This is not a bad thing, and I'm actually looking forward to a longer break. Might even get a chance to travel!)

-Saraƒin

#149...

2011-08-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

Henry wakes in the ER, after his seizure... forgetting everything since his hit of crack cocaine.

-Saraƒin

#148...

2011-08-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

Liz is at her breaking point, thanks to the demon.

-Saraƒin

The VERY latest...

2011-08-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

Today I heard from a fellow Mad person that the PPAO changeover has been halted entirely!

(I'm sorry I've been lax about keeping up to date on this - when I have more info, I will post it. But this is great news, indeed!)

-Saraƒin

"How I Made It To Eighteen: A Mostly True Story" - by Tracy White

2011-08-08T21:56:00.000-07:00

I had seen this one before as well, also at "The Beguiling" bookstore. When I went back to buy "Cuckoo" the other day, I decided that I should pick this up as well, because I try to buy every mental health related graphic novel memoir I can find. I had picked it up and flipped through it several times during my visits to that store, but never bought it, until Saturday.

This is a pretty straightforward memoir of teenage depression - we meet "Stacy Black" (the author's projected self), a 17 year old who is caught up in a life of drug abuse, a relationship with a neglectful boyfriend, and self-harm... showing tell tale signs of a mood disorder. She has a nervous breakdown and admits herself to a mental hospital called "Golden Meadows", which is either a facility strictly for youth, or has a youth ward. She spends the next 24 weeks there, recovering, amongst other young people with mental health issues.

Throughout the book there are a series of pages where four friends answer various questions about Stacy's condition, behaviours, and so on. The art is clean and minimalist, kind of like the art in "The Next Day". It feels effortless, but still clearly illustrates the story. The ending is abrupt, and has an epilogue of sorts where she mentions what happened to her following her hospital stay.

I liked this book, but it was rather pedestrian for me - it read exactly like how I thought it would read, and even felt rather clinical and formulaic at times. Kind of like a graphic novel memoir of "Girl, Interrupted", but without the political/feminist angle, without the "edge" - it felt very safe. Sometimes the style was a little bit whiny/self-absorbed, but she was writing about a 17 year old, and thinking back to that time (and even later than that age!) I was quite often the same way. It's hard to write this kind of thing and not come across as a little bit self-indulgent here and there - I'm sure there are plenty of people who read my stuff and feel the same about me. It certainly wasn't nearly as bad in this respect as "Prozac Nation".

At any rate, kudos to the author for putting a positive spin on her difficult past and turning it into words and images. This is a pretty good read for an adolescent in crisis.

-Saraƒin

"Cuckoo: One woman's true stories of living with Multiple Personality Disorder" - by Madison Clell

2011-08-08T14:15:00.000-07:00

(This is the first graphic novel mental health memoir review of the two books within this genre that I recently purchased. Another review will be coming shortly!)

I spotted this book a little while ago at one of my favorite comic book/graphic novel shops, "The Beguiling". It was right up my alley, but because of the $30 price tag the store was charging (a bit steep for a B&W soft cover), I didn't buy it right when I saw it. I later decided that it was a must have, so I went back the other day and paid the $30 to obtain it. The next day, I devoured it, and am very glad I made the purchase.

This book has a foreword written in it by none other than Dr. "Patch" Adams, who praises the power of the stories, even saying at one point "I stepped into her reality and wept". And powerful it is - the art, though loose and not always completely clear at first glance, has that wild, untamed, emotional quality that leaps off the page and pulls you in. There are some very disturbing experiences in this book, and I think the art sums it up perfectly, without being overdramatic in any way.

It has a very punk/DIY feel to its aesthetic - raw and unclinical, the way books like this should be. It's a page turner, and though, as I said, I didn't take in everything upon first reading (possibly because I was listening to music with lots of lyrics at the time), I know I'll be going back and reading this book again and again.

I also really liked the hopeful messages put forth - she depicts the horrors of life with MPD/DID without any sort of "feel sorry for me" tone or attitude. She has a loving boyfriend who accepts her disorder as a part of her. She writes about fighting the disorder, and her successes in doing so. This is one of the greatest Mad Pride comics I have ever found, bar none. I'm definitely going to show it around to other Mad folk!

To sum up: "Cuckoo" is a compelling tour de force that offers insight into one of the most misunderstood and rarest of mental illnesses. It blew my mind. If you can find it, buy it! It's a true work of art!

-Saraƒin

Latest PPAO/Mental Health Act news + comic #147...

2011-08-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

There's been a victory, of sorts -

The latest on the PPAO situation is that the CMHA's takeover of the PPAO has been stalled. The Minister (Deb Matthews) has backed down for at least the time being, as the great interest raised in the issue of this takeover convinced her to "get things right" by engaging in consultation with partners, advocates, and patients alike, before moving forward with a plan that would try to achieve the shared goals of all groups involved. Apparently, the finalized plan will be put forth by the coming winter season. This is not a complete victory, but it is a silver lining in what at first looked like an impossible case.

Also (and I'm a little late in posting this, and am sorry for that) - there's this news:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/ontario/ontario-police-to-seal-non-criminal-mental-health-records/article2108349/

(I'm not sure if these two situations go hand in hand, or if they serendipitously happened at around the same time.)

Oh yeah - and here's another new comic page:

Stay tuned for some more book reports! :-)

-Saraƒin

#146...

2011-08-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

Two mental health memoir graphic novel book reviews to come - plus that update on the PPAO situation! (I've been disciplined on the comics drawing front... lazy on the political blogging front!)

-Saraƒin

Comics & Medicine Art Exibit...

2011-08-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

Check out this link:

http://web.me.com/comicnurse/ComicsMedicine/Art_Exhibit.html

It's an online overview of the Chicago-area conference that happened in June this year, which featured my work as part of the exhibit. I really wish I could have made it. (I have to confess, I still haven't replaced my passport!)

More to come, including a post about the latest news regarding the status of the PPAO.

-Saraƒin

#145...

2011-08-03T02:10:00.000-07:00

I'm getting close to the end of my first book. Then I'll be going on a short-lived hiatus while I plan for the next chapter, and while I put together the trade paperback collection.

-Saraƒin

Sissyfying the Teamsters logo: My latest late night art project!

2011-08-02T00:28:00.000-07:00

I'm a Teamster - that's the union for my car parking lot job. I didn't know anything about this labor union's dark history until after I started my job, but I sure do now! (The job, BTW, is way more awesome than it sounds - the money is great, the hours are flexible, and I get a ton of Asylum Squad comics done while at work!)

I thought the Teamsters logo was pretty bad-ass looking, with the two work horses and the wagon wheel, the text that reads "International Brotherhood of Teamsters"... makes one just so damn proud to be a blue collar worker. I once spotted an official Teamsters Union racing jacket in a vintage clothing storefront window one night, but it was scooped up before I could get back to the store the next day to buy it - DRAT!

...Anyway...

I was up late this evening, because earlier in the day a brilliant take on the original logo hit me while I was playing around in Photoshop. Because the new "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" series is so damn popular right now (especially thanks to the "Bronies" phenomenon - that is, guys who are seriously into the new "My Little Pony" cartoon), I wanted to Pony-fy the Teamsters logo. So I played around for a while until I ended up with this:

It isn't the best Photoshop/Illustrator job I've ever done, but I still think it's pretty funny. Hope it will garner more than a few laughs!

-Saraƒin

PS: There's been a victory of sorts for the PPAO takeover crisis situation - I'll type up an entry about the latest (good!) news shortly!

#144...

2011-08-01T17:50:00.001-07:00

Another new day... another new comic!

Henry botches his own bank robbery...

-Saraƒin

#143...

2011-07-31T20:47:00.001-07:00

This one is pretty disturbing. The "horror" of Liz's story arc is less of the spooky sort and more psychologically grotesque.

I may have the next strip up very shortly - it's about half complete at this point.

-Saraƒin

Reiki update & visions remission...

2011-07-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd make another entry about how I'm doing these days!

Since meeting her, I have had four reiki sessions with my new reikiist, one of which was an hour, two separate half hours, and the other (the first one) about 20 minutes.

Last time I talked about reiki on here, I mentioned that two of my most prominent "symptoms" (the channeling/automatic handwriting) had seemingly been cut off. Well, I'm happy to say that this remains true to this day, as it's been ages since I've experienced either one of them. The latest improvement has been in the realm of focus: before I met with Brenda (my reikiist), I had an almost constant sense of being under the influence of something negative, and the "entity" was almost always on my mind. I was worried that I was going to get to a certain point in healing where I'd stop improving, and find I'd have to learn to accept that any further progression would be impossible. Thankfully, that doesn't seem to be the case at all.

Nowadays (most of the time) I feel completely normal. It's only when I reflect on the past few years that I am reminded "Oh - that's right! I lost my mind, didn't I?" Other than some minor guilt/shame issues, my mental health is better than it has been in at least 15 years, and I have more friends now than ever before.

BTW - I wanted to give a visual example of how my psychic visions have faded with time, using a pic of Ganesha as an example (since Hindi imagery was common for my condition):

As clear and luminous as a television signal, good or bad, most of my visions had the same quality as the picture below. Sometimes they were breathtaking, but more often than not they were distracting/vile, and I just wanted them all gone:

Medication did little to nothing for alleviating the visions, but they did tone down their intensity, like how a dial on a radio lowers the volume:

After enough reiki & smudge treatments, the visions had not only faded in intensity, but the actual details had blurred as well:

Now, when I focus on receiving a vision from the "entity", this is as intense as it ever gets. It's often even less so than this:
Hope that gives anyone reading this some idea of what having these visions has been like! I may try and Photoshop a replica of what the glittery crap looked like (or at least scour the web for images that remind me of it). That glittery crap is pretty much gone as well.

-Saraƒin

The Judge Rotenberg Educational Centre: Crimes against humanity never looked so good...

2011-07-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

I am stunned that a place like this exists in this day and age - but there you go, just another example that we have a long way to go when it comes to caring for the vulnerable. In this case, it's particularly horrific, because the people in question who are being abused are children!

The Judge Rotenberg Educational Centre is a special needs school in the Canton, Massachusetts area. It has historically been under a great deal of scrutiny from various human rights groups, and for very good reason - the "school" utilizes various dehumanizing (and often flat out torturous) techniques to "treat" the difficult behaviours of children with disorders ranging from autism, to emotional/behaviour disorders. Some of these "treatments" include a "rewards/punishment" system that mirrors dog obedience school training, and even electric shock aversion therapy and food portion reduction as punishments!

The school claims that it is freeing its "students" from the burdens of psychiatric medications, and from self-abuse, restraint, and emotional pain, all while utilizing techniques that sound straight out of the Guantanamo Bay detention camp. Children are forced to wear electrodes against their skin at all times. The electrodes are connected, through wires, to a sort of backpack the child must always wear, that contains a box that delivers the electric shocks. Staff members carry remote control buttons which they can, at any point in time, push to deliver painful two second jolts of electricity, as punishment for any unruly behaviour. Most people can't even stand the idea of shock collars on animals, let alone the human equivalent on a child, but for some reason the JREC has been able to get away with this, and still uses the devices to this day.

Here's the website for this disgrace to human rights: http://www.judgerc.org/

Please check out their website! Seriously - look at the testimonials, the program outlines... but -also- look at the photographic tour! Perhaps one of the strangest things about this centre is that it looks fantastic - like, the Disneyland of childhood behavioural treatment centres. Seriously, I couldn't believe I was looking at images of the same place I had been reading so many horrible things about. (A lot of it actually reminds me of the layout of the super funky "Science Arcade" section of the Toronto Science Centre.) It's like something out of some weird movie - like, a Tim Burton meets David Lynch kind of scenario.

Many parents claim the centre has helped their children, but I question these peoples' parenting skills. The school basically uses fright tactics to force young minds into becoming obedient little pawns. It teaches them to do as authority says only because otherwise it would mean suffering, degradation, and pain: straight out of 'A Clockwork Orange'! There is no choice for them in the matter... it simply strips them of their humanity.

(Since the first time I looked at their website, which was well over a year and a half ago, it seems that the director, Dr. Matthew Israel, has retired. Further online investigation suggests that his resignation is due to a plea bargain condition that allowed him to skip jail time, from a lawsuit filed against the JREC for their abuses. Despite this, it looks like "treatment" there remains the same as always.)

-Saraƒin

#142...

2011-07-23T10:23:00.001-07:00

Sorry this one is late - I was quite busy, and then sick with food poisoning.

I wanted to do a non-comic related post, about a despicable place that more people should be aware of (no, it's not 1001 Queen!). Hope to be on it soon!

-Saraƒin

#141...

2011-07-09T01:12:00.000-07:00

Now she's in for it!

-Saraƒin

Psychiatric Patient Advocate Office of Ontario in trouble! Please sign!

2011-07-07T11:17:00.000-07:00

The purple text that follows was lifted from Facebook:

On June 29th the Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care announced it would be transferring the services of the Psychiatric Patient Advocacy Office to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) ON.

The Psychiatric Patient Advocate’s (PPAO) office was established in 1983, to provide advocacy services to in-patients at the 10 major mental health facilities in Ontario, serving clients in both the civil and forensic (not criminally responsible) mental health systems. It is the only service in Canada which provides province-wide, full-time advocacy services within mental health hospitals.

Downloading advocacy services to a mental health organization that delivers mental health services such as Community Treatment Orders, Supportive Housing and Act Team management is a conflict of interest. It will put advocates in an impossible bind and patients will be at risk of losing their rights. We need not look further than some of the incidents and inquests into the deaths of Ashley Smith, Kumlyie Aganeh, Jeffrey James and others that have occurred over the last few years to ascertain the importance of independent, arm’s length advocacy for the protection of rights of person’s with psychiatric disabilities. The UN has emphasized the importance of a framework, including one or more independent mechanisms, as appropriate, to promote, protect and monitor implementation of the present UN Convention. Quite simply, it is important we do what we can NOW to protect many years of hard fought battles for the protection of rights.

The PPAO must be an autonomous agency answerable to the Legislature like the Ombudsman, the Human Rights Commission, the Auditor General or the Provincial Advocate for Children and Youth.

I feel very strongly about this, for the PPAO was like an oasis for me within the confines of CAMH when I was at my most vulnerable. I don't yet understand all the implications if the PPAO is put under the CMHA (because I'm not as politically involved as other activists), but the notion of patients losing their rights because of this move sickens me.

A letter of protest, to be copied and sent to the Ontario Ministry of Health and Long Term Care, has been drafted, and you can find it on this site: http://www.cippao.com/

Please - if you are a citizen of Ontario, and you care about the human rights of psychiatric patients, consider forwarding this letter to the minister, as well as to the PC and NDP health critics CC'd as well.

-Saraƒin

#140...

2011-07-06T01:10:00.001-07:00

Crack is whack!

-Saraƒin

#139...

2011-07-04T00:41:00.000-07:00

Vagina dentata!

-Saraƒin

#138...

2011-07-02T15:05:00.000-07:00

A side story comic about cutting, starring a spork mascot. (Yes, I said a spork mascot - not a sport mascot!)

-Saraƒin

#137...

2011-06-28T17:28:00.001-07:00

Sarah sees Mick for the first time in several years. Spooky! 0_o

-Saraƒin

Collage #3 - "VooDoo Hand Puppetry"...

2011-06-27T23:20:00.001-07:00

I'm having a lot of fun with these mixed media collages! There's one more cheapo canvas from my last trip to Dollarama - I think I already know what the next piece will be about.

I called this one "VooDoo Hand Puppetry" because it was the name I used to describe a phenomenon I experienced, where I saw glowing, superimposed figures as a skin over my right hand. I would then manipulate the little figures with my mind and by moving my hand, just like a puppet. For some reason, I threw the word "voodoo" into the mix. Well, the name stuck, so after I came up with the basic idea for this piece, that was the name I chose to go with.

I have to work at 6:00 AM, but could not sleep, so I'm going to tough it out with ginseng tea and high hopes for wakefulness.

The new comic will be up by the end of the coming day!

-Saraƒin

"Paint By Numbers" - new collage!

2011-06-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

(This is a crap quality photo - my hand isn't very steady this evening, and I don't own a tripod! If/when I capture a crisper image, I'll post it over this entry.)

So I went with the name "Paint By Numbers" - this is based on the scribblings I made in my sketchbooks during my psychotic periods. I got the idea for the title while colouring in the sephirah of the Kabbalah Tree, taking into account the numerology. I wrestled a lot with this image - finally settled with incorporating the Tree of Life, and adding the scribbles. Was worried I'd have to scrap it, but I actually like how this one turned out.

New comic coming soon!

-Saraƒin

#136...

2011-06-23T23:18:00.001-07:00

Cath is really, really gonna regret this night!

-Saraƒin

PS: Here's a stupid joke I came up with in the bathtub -

Q: What's the opposite of a rutabaga?
A: A politabega!

:-)

Collage: "Problem Patient, Against All Odds"

2011-06-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

Here is my final for the Workman Arts collage course I took (which just finished today). This is basically done - I still need to run a coat of varnish over it, to seal everything, but the meat of the project is complete. I'm pretty happy with how this turned out, and I'm thinking about doing several more collages of this nature - maybe I'll submit 'em to 'Being Scene' next year.

Because I've been knee deep in collage mode this past little while, the new comic was put on hold. But most of it is done already, so expect it to be up within the next 24-48 hours.

-Saraƒin

Pic from 'Comics & Medicine' Exhibition at Northwestern University (Chicago)...

2011-06-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

These photos were snapped up at the Northwestern University 'Comics & Medicine' Exhibition which I was sadly unable to attend. I submitted these two strips, because they are the first and last of my time on the schizophrenia ward at CAMH. (The second one is actually the first one I drew up outside of the hospital, but due to the fact that it's a strip about the worst of my time there, I figured it was the best bookend strip to go along with the very first.)

I'm hoping that sometime I'll be able to make another one of these exhibitions - Scott McCloud was even at this one! (I haven't read any of his 'Understanding/Reinventing/Making Comics' books yet, but I read 'Zot!', and loved it - classic fantasy superhero writing and art with a manga vibe to the story.)

I should have the next strip up shortly!

-Saraƒin

Reiki update...

2011-06-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

I just had another reiki session with a local woman who is considered a master. It had been a long while since I had a reiki session, and I've become used to more subtle (but lasting) healing effects. Well, not this time!

Whatever she was doing with my energies, she managed, in 20 minutes, to cut off the channeling connection I've had (for 5 years!) with the negative entity! I've been testing it on and off for the past few days, and I get nothing - nothing from channeling with my voice, nothing through automatic handwriting. While I was lying and receiving the reiki, I was literally convulsing in the area she was working on. It started with my eyes forcefully squinting, my mouth being forced open, and then my entire head was thrown back. It felt similar to what electricity does to the body, but it wasn't painful like electricity would be - rather, it felt like my own, familiar, energies surging through me. It was a pretty cool feeling, actually.

This reiki-ist has agreed to work with me for a very reasonable fee. The fact that she's local is also a tremendous help. She gave me instructions on how to help myself in between sessions. Also great is that she's been through the same spiritual nightmare that I have - people thought she was crazy too, but then she was saved from it all by reiki, decided to adopt the skill herself, and became a master.

I'll write more as the healing continues!

-Saraƒin

#135...

2011-06-14T22:46:00.000-07:00

Henry tries crack for the first time. (Never done it, thank god, so writing this will require research.)

-Saraƒin

#134...

2011-06-12T18:07:00.001-07:00

Liz's story takes a turn for the sexual - initially I wasn't going to include this (because Cath's story is sexual enough), but then I decided it had to go in, to later show how she begins to truly suffer. This will make more sense later on.

-Saraƒin

#133...

2011-06-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

Sarah tracks down the real Mick's place - finished this one at work yesterday.

-Saraƒin

#132...

2011-06-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

Cath has psychiatric treatment forced onto her with a CTO (community treatment order).

-Saraƒin

My final piece for Design and Composition class...

2011-06-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

(This isn't the sharpest image, because it's a digital photo, not a scan - my scanner is too small.)

Behold - Sailor (Durga) Mars! I wanted to draw a Sailor senshi/"scout" from Sailor Moon as a Hindu goddess, and thought Mars as Durga was a great idea for a cross-over. Durga is usually depicted as riding either a tiger or a lion, so I chose a white tiger with a crescent moon on its forehead, to look kind of like Artemis (or whatever the white cat's name was in the Japanese version). Since Mars always picks on Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon is her victim, in this case!

This mixed media piece mixes one of my childhood obsessions (Sailor Moon) with my current adult obsession: the art of Hinduism. I rather like it, though I think that there could be a bit more drama in Sailor Moon's reaction to the attack (she's kind of stiff and squished). But the Mars portion is super bold.

-Saraƒin

Crazy Four Horsemen horseshit!

2011-06-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

One of the first things I became obsessively preoccupied with (back in 2006 - when I was only just starting to fall apart) was the 5 element Wu Xing system of Chinese philosophy. I put together an altar of sorts, that included these 5 elements (Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water) plus the element of Air on a second level, believing it to be the most powerful occultism altar in existence (lol). It didn't help my delusion that several Wiccans I talked to at the time found the idea brilliant. Someday when I'm bored I'll post a diagram of the altar design. (At the time, it went over my head that it was nothing more than any other symbolism-based magickal tool, that it's not how an instrument is constructed, or what with, but what the user does with it: what goes on in their mind and how it affects their spirit. Heck, even a friggin' computer keyboard can be used as a ouija-style spirit communication tool, to give an example of the mundane becoming the "sacred". The same applies to any object used for ceremonial magick.)

I also became obsessed with Chinese astrology, believing it to be superior in many respects to the Western system. (Now I take all forms of astrology with a grain of salt.) I think I was high on pot at the time, but while I was reading up on the various sign combinations of the 60 year cycle, I took notice of the 5 possible elements for the years of the Horse, and realized that it could be a perfect metaphor for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, save one horse.

The Four Horsemen are to arrive in the following order: first, the White Horsemen, the "False Christ", will ride in. The Red Horseman of War follows. Then comes the Black Horseman of Famine. Finally, in rides the Pale Horseman of Death. (There are variations of this "prophecy", but I think these are the most common themes.) In the Wu Xing system, each element is assigned a colour and planetary symbol:

Wood = Green/Jupiter
Fire = Red/Mars
Earth = Yellow/Saturn
Metal = White/Venus
Water = Black/Mercury

With this in mind, it's fascinating to see the parallels between the Wu Xing system and the symbolism of the Four Horsemen prophecy. My deduction was that each Horseman was in fact a metaphor for a Year of the Horse in Chinese astrology:

The White Horseman was easily associated with the Metal Horse year. In Chinese philosophy, the Metal element can mean armour and weaponry, but it can also mean riches. This theme (riches, specifically) works well with the False Christ metaphor, for the White Horseman is often depicted with a crown atop his head. Extravagant beauty, charisma and wealth is a common theme with false Christ figures as well (remember - Christ was a humble carpenter!), so that ties in the Venus theme as well. Venus' planetary symbol is based on the design of the mirror of the goddess - this could be interpreted as a symbol of Vanity.

The Red Horseman of War is also easy - that would be the Year of the Fire Horse (a troublesome year, according to what I've read about it: often baby girls born in the Fire Horse year were immediately put to death, for fear that they would bring great shame and misfortune to their families). Mars is the planet assigned to the Fire element, and is the God of War, so that's a perfect analogy. The Martian symbol is representative of a shield and spear - not exactly the same weaponry as the Horseman (who has only a sword), but still obviously warlike in its symbolism.

The Black Horseman of Famine is a little bit trickier. Water makes sense in association to a degree, for water is what nourishes the crops to grow, what hydrates the ecosystem to support life. The Black Horseman carries a set of scales in order to weigh the grain, as they would be during a famine. Perhaps the Black Horseman is associated with the loss of resources because of the effects of the two previous Horsemen, but also because of global warming affecting the environment? Mercury is the planet assigned to Water. Pairing the scale symbolism with that of Mercury the God is where it gets tricky. Mercury's symbol is a combination of his winged helmet and caduceus. The caduceus is often used as a medical symbol, while the scales are symbolic of the legal system (and are also the symbol of another deity: Justitia). So... this metaphor isn't as tight. (Hey - gimme a break! I was completely insane at the time!)

As for the element of the Pale Horseman... well, this Horseman is often considered greenish in colour, but for my money the element that works best for this one is Earth, which is yellow. The most obvious parallel is that this Horseman has a sickle (like the "Grim Reaper"), and Earth's planetary equivalent is Saturn, which is symbolically represented by a sickle. Saturn is a god associated with the harvest, but also time itself, so in a way he's tied to death. (I suppose Wood could be interchangeable with Earth as the Pale Horseman, if you take into account that Wood is associated with life force, but you would have to turn its force around to make it destructive, which complicates the metaphor.)

So this was the idea: in the order of the arrival of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would come four separate Years of the Horse, each year bringing a pinnacle event that would contribute to the end of the word. I also came up with a "solution" to treating this potentially inevitable cataclysmic series of events, in the form of "metaphorical homeopathy": treating the Four Horsemen with the wisdom of the Four Stallions of Native American legend, who, oddly enough, match the colour schemes (for the most part) of the Four Horsemen!

(I really don't feel like typing up the legend of the Four Stallions again, since I already included basic explanations of them in a Liz Madder comic, so instead I'll direct you to that same comic with this link, if you want to read about them: http://asylumsquad.com/51/ . If that's not enough, Googling will explain them in greater detail. It's late and I want to get to bed soon!)

Summing up, the deeper you get into this, the more you'll come to see it as the steaming pile of horseshit that it is. But it was still pretty creative as far as horseshit goes, and fun to get lost in. Great for works of art and writing, at least!

-Saraƒin

#131...

2011-06-02T11:29:00.001-07:00

Put this one up a little late (I finished it two days ago). I'm probably going to get the next one started today while I'm at work...

-Saraƒin

Glossolalia vs. my "channeling"...

2011-05-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

Glossolalia is the fancy, technical term for what amounts to "talking in tongues". I recently viewed a video on this phenomenon, and thought that it would be an interesting article to include on this blog (seeing as this blog is not only a means of creative expression, but has been, since day one, a self discovery project, as well as a place where others who have shared my experiences can come to read articles that may help them feel less crazy, or at least, less alone).

Here's the clip I watched on glossolalia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZbQBajYnEc&feature=related

Now, while I don't agree with the title of this video (that is, "Speaking in tongues medical study proves Holy Spirit praying", which isn't proved at all by the video), I find the part where they use neurological testing to identify the parts of the brain that are active/inactive during glossolalia very interesting. I wish there was a better report on this phenomenon than this basic ABC News segment, which is probably full of factual holes anyway, because I get the feeling that some of what these glossolaliacs (?) experience in the brain may be similar to what I experience when I surrender my consciousness to "the other being". I don't consider my channeling a psychotic symptom, but instead perhaps related to something that contributed to the initial decline of my mental state: to this day, no medication has had any effect on the channeling, and it is still there, as clear as ever, when I want to engage in it.

But while medication has failed to remove the channeling, something VERY interesting happened after my little brush with St. Jude in 2007. As I've mentioned before, I was extremely sick, and not only was I channeling at a near constant rate, but it was coming out forcefully, most of it distasteful and nonsensical. The only thing that kept me from offing myself was the fear of what could be lurking on the other side, if there is another side. After a desperate plea to the official Patron Saint of Hopeless Cases, THIS happened:

(Same idea, except it was me in a hospital bed instead of Mary, and the angel had a heraldic horn instead of a lily... but the scene was exactly the same idea as one of these religious pictures, with the same quality even)

From that point on, the channeling was no longer vile or confusing, nor was it forceful ever again. I got ill once more in 2008, but even then the dark, vile, disgusting quality never came back. No matter how much reading I do on this phenomenon, nothing is able to fully scientifically explain away my belief that there's something very real about my perceived spiritual communications. The timing of the vision, followed by the profound relief that almost immediately followed, was just far too instantaneous to be because of medication alone, never mind the fact that the drug I was receiving through injections hadn't been in my system long enough to have so strong an effect, let alone so acute.

One could argue that perhaps I was just very lucky, or a remarkably fast healer, but I feel this argument in itself is unscientific because it ignores the quality of the personal experience. It's a shame the caregivers couldn't have traded places with me just to see and feel the changes as they happened. Guessing the patient's state based on what it looks like is going on to the outsider (the doctor) is an example of why psychiatry can only be a pseudoscience at this point in history: because you just can't ever really know. It's also a shame that the doctors couldn't have given PET scans before and after the prayer to St. Jude - I'm convinced they would have seen dramatic differences in my brain activity. That would not really prove anything concrete either, but it would have at least been a bit more interesting.

Anyway, I wanted to speak quickly about glossolalia because after watching the aforementioned clip, I began wondering if it's a "primitive" form of spirit channeling: the same idea as allowing a being to talk using the body by permitting it to briefly take over, but perhaps not as finely tuned as what I can do. I feel my connection with the negative presence was forced upon me because of my carelessness (a vampire can't attack you unless you invite it in), so perhaps my connecting became stronger, faster, and that's why most of what comes out of my mouth is clear English instead of gibberish. I am still dying to volunteer my brain for some PET scans, but CAMH will not do PET scanning unless it's for "research", and I guess scanning to prove (or disprove!) the presence of a second conscious to a single psych patient is a waste of their time, especially because it wouldn't do much to forward the pharmaceutical agenda.

(The answer I get from every psychiatrist I have ever probed about the channeling phenomenon: a big fat "I don't know". How very insightful, doctor! If you were a guest on "You Can't Do That On Television", you'd be covered in green slime by now!)

One thing is for certain - there are patterns to the phrases I channel. The most common messages I receive are:

"This will go away someday" (meaning, the "presence")
"Don't worry"
"Stop talking to this thing" (meaning, stop channeling/automatic handwriting - I rarely engage it now)
"Don't smoke pot anymore" (I quit in 2008)
"Keep smudging/getting reiki"

I don't know how to explain it in technical neurological terms, but I know that a part of my brain is either shutting down or switching over when I do my channeling, the same way that I know there's a change in my brain function when I go from drawing a picture to calculating a math problem.

Food for thought!

-Saraƒin

#130...

2011-05-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

Very dramatic inking in this one - I think it turned out nicely.

I'm now down to 550 mgs of Seroquel XR - impressive, considering the last shrink I had wanted me on 1000 mgs a day... eugh! I hope the eventual transition to Abilify goes smoothly - I'd stay on Seroquel XR indefinitely if it wasn't a threat to my heart, my teeth, and if it didn't cause gargantuan weight gain.

(BTW, the only thing I'll miss about this "Earth Mother" physique is my big tits!)

-Saraƒin

"Retro Crayon Fun Time!"

2011-05-23T21:55:00.001-07:00

"I like traffic lights... I like traffic lights... I like traffic lights... that is what I said!"

When I was a toddler, I had a strange obsession with traffic lights. I saw faces in them (cyclopean faces, but faces), and I used to draw them as anthropomorphic beings - this particular one with legs, but no arms (which I usually included). The red light was the eye, the amber the nose, and the green the mouth. In this case, it's smiling. Then I'd usually throw in what most kids that age draw: a cheerful sun, flowers, a lawn of grass... all the typical childhood artwork cliches.

Mom gave me this recently - I hadn't seen it in well over a decade and a half. As a joke, I decided to upload a snapshot of it, to "show off" my earliest art. I have to say that despite how primitive this is, I was quite a creative kid - I also thought, at the age of 2, that the webbed feet of swans, ducks, and other water fowl resembled inverted umbrellas. I'm very happy my folks encouraged such creative looniness!

-Saraƒin

#129...

2011-05-21T00:37:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, it's fun to throw in a true to life comic that describes my situation. I think this one turned out very well.

As it says on one of the last updates on my main comic website, I was invited to a conference at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, but I'm unable to go because there's not enough time to get all the documents I need to get into the US: to get my new passport, I first need to get a new birth certificate, which will take even more time. The conference is entitled Comics and Medicine: The Sequential Art of Illness, and is happening on the weekend of June 9th. Oh well - my art is still going to make it into the presentation. I'm so shy about promoting myself these days that I might have botched it anyway - and in front of all those academics! I kind of think: "Oh, who wants to hear my sob story and read my ranty little comic strip?" It screws me up whenever I try to speak in front of a large group of people about Asylum Squad... at least, that's what happened when I tried presenting it at school!

-Saraƒin

#128...

2011-05-15T13:17:00.000-07:00

I kept going back to fiddle with this one, after posting it on the main comic site - gah, all the mistakes come out from hiding after the image goes online! (I still go back and tinker on the main site from time to time.)

-Saraƒin

PS: Uggggh.... I forgot to mention that I had to go back on the damn Nadolol, because my tachicardia came back. One night I was lying in bed and it felt like my heart was going to shoot out of my chest, so I grudgingly stumbled over to where I keep my pills, and took 1/4 of a leftover tablet (half the dose I used to take). 10 mg seems to do the trick, so at least I'm on a lower dose this time around. Freakin' meds are going to kill me, I sear to GOD...

'Depresso'...

2011-05-14T16:50:00.001-07:00

I found this book on Saturday at TCAF, and purchased it on the Sunday. I must admit, I had never heard of it, and it looked intriguing, so I made sure to buy it before the festival was over.

It's a (semi-fictional) story about a British man named Tom Freeman, who falls ill with depression, and finds himself on a journey through the mental health system. What's interesting is that his depression manifests itself through more physical symptoms: in the beginning of the book, he feels a pain in his "bollocks", a pain he assumes is because of undiagnosed testicular cancer. But his physical health later checks out fine, and he is instead diagnosed with a mood disorder. Soon after, he begins to hallucinate a giant white lizard (or perhaps it's a metaphor), that acts kind of like a personal guide/demon/representation of his depression. The book follows Freeman's path through the system, from medications (that zonk him out) to alternative therapies (that cause him to re-examine all aspects of his life). In the end, he embraces being "bonkers", and moves on with life with a new found optimism.

I loved the premise for this book - there aren't too many depression memoir/autobio style graphic novels out there that have this tone to them (that is, self acceptance as the main form of therapy, over simply drugging away the symptoms and owing peace of mind to pharmaceutical companies). I know a lot of Mad Pridesters who will want to read this one. I also loved how the book would cut and go into detail about various therapies and systems it describes - it was like getting a mini education between the panels of story.

My only real beef with this book lies in the art: I don't mind the drawings themselves - they're expressive and do a good job of visually conveying the story (often very creatively). My problem is with what was done with the drawings after (obviously) being scanned into a computer. It doesn't look like they were scanned at a very high resolution (possibly no more than 150 DPI - a huge no-no), and I didn't like the gradient/smudge effects employed in (I guess) Photoshop. I felt these effects hindered and cheapened the art. The cartoons, I think, would have looked much nicer if the inking was just a little bit bolder, the scans set to a higher resolution, and the gradient/smudge look scrapped entirely. Even simply dropping flat grays or tones into certain areas would have looked nicer. It's a shame, but again... this book was otherwise a great read with a great message, so I got used to the appearance of the art, and in the end it bothered me less.

I'm not sure how easy/hard it is to find this one in stores, but I do recommend it!

-Saraƒin

#127...

2011-05-14T14:41:00.001-07:00

#128 should be ready soon! (I've been busy!)

-Saraƒin

Darryl Cunningham's 'Psychiatric Tales'...

2011-05-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

I finally picked up this collection of mental illness inspired comics, while I was out window shopping with a friend the other day. I had put off buying it for no good reason, and finally said "Nope! Gonna buy it today!" And I'm very glad I did.

Darryl Cunningham was once a psychiatric nurse, and during that portion of his life, he kept a diary of some of the more prominent experiences of his job. Initially he intended to write a book of prose, but was inspired by the 'Persepolis' comics, and instead chose the graphic novel format to tell his stories. The result is 'Psychiatric Tales' - a work that's often disturbing, but always satisfying.

Cunningham approaches mental illnesses from a more clinical, traditional viewpoint (while I'm a bit more on the holistic side of the spectrum), but this didn't diminish my enjoyment of the book in the least. The graphics are bold and uniquely stylized, the writing poignant and clear. This is a little bit like a field guide to the major mental illnesses, and I wouldn't be surprised if it becomes mandatory reading in some medical schools. One of my favorite chapters was the one entitled 'People with mental illness enrich out lives', which discusses some of the major figures from history who have lived with mental disorders, including Winston Churchill, Brian Wilson, and Judy Garland. Cunningham has also suffered from depression and anxiety, which he writes about in the final chapter. When he discusses the illnesses mentioned in this book, he does so with compassion. (BTW, I can see how 'Persepolis' has inspired him, particularly in how it might have influenced his art.)

I'm definitely glad I finally picked this one up!

-Saraƒin